The Mirriam-Webster dictionary defines happy as:

1:  feeling pleasure and enjoyment because of your life, situation, etc.

2: showing or causing feelings of pleasure and enjoyment

When we talk about happiness, it is often thought of as a feeling to be sustained every single day, every hour, every minute, with zero negativity. Many even try to pursue this constant state of “happiness” or “happily-ever-after” as their life goal. We’ve been raised to think that “being happy” or “pursuing happiness” implies a sense of permanence, although this is not necessarily the case.

What does “happiness” really mean?

Happiness is an indistinguishable, vanilla word used to describe a rich spectrum of human feeling. It is an equation of many different things, varying from person to person and from moment to moment.

To quote my favorite book series, “Happiness can be found in even the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.” What Dumbledore neglected to mention is that sometimes the light is hard to find, is burnt out, or is only very dim once you turn it on. What he really means to say is that even though life will be filled with beautiful, happy and incredible moments, it can also be filled with painful, hurtful and stormy moments that seem like they will never pass. Sometimes talking about these emotions or experiences can help you find the light.

Life is about finding purposeful and meaningful activities that are helpful to alleviate any pain, suffering, and unhappiness, otherwise known as coping skills or means of self-care. We often need to accept that there will be ups and downs throughout life, and understand that happiness is actually a fluctuation of the positive and negative events we experience.

It is all part of the ebb and flow of our lives. We achieve true contentment from meaningful experiences and achievements. Being able to create growth and meaning out of both positive and negative events, and immersing ourselves in the present moment of every experience – that is the true meaning of “happiness.”

How does pain affect happiness?

Pain affects everyone differently, but we are all affected by it. No matter who we are, how we live, or how much money we have, there is always something missing, something lacking, or something unpleasant.

To overcome this, we need to remember that we can control three things in this life: our effort, our actions, and our attitude. There is always something within our control. Even when the light is hard to find, burnt out, or dim, there is always a way to turn it back on.

When we feel negative, we may be focusing on a small fluctuating curve along our life’s long line of experiences. With the right attitude, we can keep sight on the extended curve, knowing this will pass and be but a blip.

When we feel pain, we can graciously understand that we are learning what we are made of and what we can handle as an individual. “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”, they say. Well, it’s true that negative experiences make us much more resilient. With the right attitude, pain helps you learn to cope with life’s inevitable trials and tribulations.

Exploring our pain, while uncomfortable, is a way to raise our self-awareness. By understanding more about ourselves, we know how to deal with similar situations in the future. This is one way to help keep the light on, even if it is dim.

A happier and more successful life doesn’t come from success or accomplishment, but through pain and failures. The messy moments in life tend to create the best memories and deepest gratitude. Without ever knowing sadness, negativity, or pain, we would have no reason to be grateful for the pleasant and joyous moments. It’s the shift and the realization of the shift that makes the sweet moments in life even sweeter and the gratitude more sincere.

How does happiness vary from person to person? 

Most of us are conditioned to seek external things as a prerequisite for happiness, believing we must have this or that in order to feel happy. We need to recondition ourselves to approach life differently, to consciously appreciate every moment in the present.

Additionally, just as everyone feels pain differently, everyone’s sense of happiness differs as well. We all have different perceptions of happiness, based on how hard we failed or how deeply we pained. For example, a painted picture of my happiness might look like me sitting on the deck at Harding Lake with my family on a warm summer day. My husband might tell you that happiness is hearing an engine he has been working on for weeks finally start.

The list of factors that could influence our happiness is endless, and every person’s definition of happiness is unique. Our definition of happiness even changes over time; what makes us happy today doesn’t mean it will make us happy in a year from now. Sometimes the most simple pleasures bring us the greatest joy and we often take these for granted.

 How can people achieve their own version of personal happiness?

Researchers have found that one of the things that generates the most happiness is challenge. When we are faced with an obstacle, we experience a greater sense of accomplishment and happiness when we find success. 

Within the context of great suffering, the pursuit and engagement in purposeful and meaningful activity are efforts that often have the unintended result of satisfaction, resilience and happiness.

Even in the most painful of circumstances, we can uncover or discover meaning for our life. As Austrian psychiatrist and philosopher, Viktor Frankl said, "the meaning of life is to give life meaning."

To achieve our own version of personal happiness, we need to find something meaningful. Be busy. Be interested. Be fascinated. Do the things that are purposeful and compelling to you. Even if they don’t make you “happy,’ do them because you find them meaningful.

According to Frankl, meaning can be found through experiencing reality by interacting authentically with the environment and with others, and by giving something back to the world through creativity and self-expression.

If challenge leads to happiness, then here is my challenge for you: take some time this week to stop and reflect on what happiness looks like to you. Carve some time out of each day to do something meaningful or to do something that makes you happy, no matter how small or simplistic it might be. Spend time with those who lift you up and spark positivity in your life; do something to take care of yourself; and find creative ways to give back. When others see you happy, it might inspire them to find and turn on their own light.

 
Jamie Sawchuk, Ed.D was born and raised in Fairbanks, Alaska, and has always had a passion for helping others. As a provider in the Tanana Valley Clinic Addiction Medicine program, she focuses on the correct level of care for the whole person while providing therapy and counseling. Dr. Sawchuk strives to be part of the solution and make a positive change to the stigma that surrounds mental illnesses, educating the community about the diverse world of behavioral health.